After watching a video of Brent Brown talking about vulnerability and shame at a TED conference, I downloaded one of her books and decided to write a short article for myself and other people.
Her words were truly revolutionary, although they seemed to be very simple and clear.
Brene speaks of shame, of vulnerability, of that terrible feeling of uncertainty, indecision, emotional emptiness and confusion that sometimes happens to a person.
To declare your love, to ask for an extra-curricular vacation, to leave work, to end a relationship, to agree to any serious conversation – all these moments where the future cannot be predicted in advance, where there is no complete and even global control over the situation, where there is a fear and risk that everything will go wrong as planned. Many people want to take only the right steps, make the right decisions. They want guarantees, they want to do everything perfectly and accurately.
They want to be perfect themselves, so as not to dirty their face, to be on top, so that they are not judged, they are not joked at, they are not laughed at, they are not judged poorly. Ultimately, they just want to be loved and respected and have good relationships with people.
A mistake made in public carries a huge amount of potential shame. Any attempt by a person to take a risky step, which may lead to a mistake, speaks not about the weakness of this person, but about his courage, fortitude and courage.
Brent reverses the image of vulnerability as a weakness and fills it with a different meaning. She talks about the Power of vulnerability, about the ability of a person to open up and be spiritually naked, about the beauty, breadth, sincerity of this step, about how it can fascinate, inspire, encourage support and help. And it turns out that there is so much power in the vulnerability that you so often want to hide, to level to the limit, that it is difficult to believe it.
I think that every person can remember moments when he cried, and he was comforted, when he spoke about his embarrassment, and his honesty was admired, when he opened up and told about his fear, pain, limitations in something, and they brought clarity and stability, not destruction.
Understanding your vulnerability, the ability to give yourself the right to make mistakes, to search, to explore, and to go your own way is the key to understanding other people, allowing them to be in their vulnerability, their mistakes, and on their way. It is a deep path of listening and responding, of attention and love.
Shame is fueled by judgment, silence, and secrecy. Knowing about vulnerability gives us the opportunity to empathize, to empathize, to find a real human way to each other. We can be close, very close, open up, support, and hope for mutual empathy and support.
Brene says that the only difference between happy and unlucky people is that the former believe that they are worthy, while the latter do not. I thought about the fact that psychologists are engaged in including the fact that they accept their clients unconditionally, do not judge, do not shame, do not humiliate. They believe in them, empathize and support them, create that protected environment where a person can open up, trust, and then do all the work that he needs.
For a psychologist, this is the code and his work, and to some extent, psychological counseling is really artificial conditions of relationships, not really about life. I’ve been in personal therapy myself. So I would like that with a psychologist, with someone close, and at some point without them, a person could create for himself the atmosphere of trust that he needs. An atmosphere of acceptance, love, tenderness, sensitive contemplation of your own life, which you can admire and be proud of.
I think we would have been really happier then.